A Child Molester's Wife
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"Would you like to hear the boy's statement?" my counselor asked not too long after the charges had been filed.
I said yes, and that answer changed my life.
What she read turned the charges into realities that I couldn't hide from. Realities that my husband could no longer say were "no big deal." The charges were a huge deal—two felony counts of child molestation.
The Truth Comes Out
The irrefutable truth started to reveal itself two weeks before that conversation with my counselor. I was teaching Sunday school, when my husband, Tom—a Bible teacher and deacon—was confronted by a suspicious mother who claimed that Tom had inappropriately touched one of the boys in our home fellowship.
That night the pastor came to our house to tell Tom he'd have to make an official incident report.
"Don't do this. You'll ruin my family," Tom pleaded.
I was in the other room trying not to listen, trying not to hear, trying not to know. But after our pastor left I asked Tom, "Did you do it?" I couldn't say, "Did you touch him?" or worse yet, "Did you fondle him?"
"Yes, but he was the one who came on to me," he answered.
I was stunned.
My Unwitting Action
I was already in counseling for problems with depression, so during my appointment with my counselor, I told her about Tom's confession. "I'm going to have to report this," she said. "I'm a mandatory reporter according to law."
I was horrified. I'd unwittingly betrayed my husband. How could I have done this? I loved him. The pain was overwhelming; my words had backfired.
When Tom found out, he called our friends Bill and Lynn who persuaded him to let me go home with them for a few days so I could regain my wits. Within the week, Bill and the pastor took Tom to the police station so he could turn himself in.
During my next appointment my counselor secured the child's official police statement and read it to me. I asked her to reread it. Then I had to read it for myself. I couldn't believe it was true, but it was. The boy wouldn't lie, and I knew it. This spiritual man I loved and respected was leading a double life. My husband had somehow become evil.
I knew I couldn't go back home. I couldn't see him. I couldn't be in the house with him, in a room with him, or share a bed with him. The core of my being was convulsing. Instead of going home I stayed with Bill and Lynn.
When I went to bed that night, I couldn't sleep. I got out of bed, fell to the floor shaking, sobbing, and curled into a fetal position. Helpless. Alone. Suffocating in ever intensifying darkness. Lynn found me and tried to console me. But finally she took me to the hospital. I had broken down.
Stand Still
That night someone came in periodically to give me sedatives. The drugs offered little consolation. Instead it came when God used a Christian nurse on the graveyard shift. She came to within inches of my face and softly sang, "Amazing grace, how sweet the sound …"
Related Topics:
Abuse, Conflict, Manipulation, Marriage, Difficulty in
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anonymous
Thank you for sharing your story. I am a few weeks into knowing my "other half" molested my teenage daughter. It is unimaginably devastating to me and of course to my three kids. Deep despair, my mind going blank mid-sentence, trying to "have it all together" at work, home, with the children, with investigators, learning how to do everything my husband always did, depression, feelings of betrayal, questioning reality, trying to meet my kids' needs including when they cry and act out, financial challenges, questioning if I am attractive and all I've ever done. Reading others' stories helps. Pray for all of us, please. Only God and help from people, even strangers, can make a dent in this type of pain. Nothing else can touch it. God is helping me faster than I could have imagined a week or two ago, but please pray for everyone in similar situations. Suicide is a temptation for many of us at some point, kids and moms.
Ginger Lawrence
Hi Kyria, Thank you for sharing your story. It touched me. I also experienced a similar event; I woke up 1-1-2001 with one of my daughters missing from my home. What unfolded was learning that my husband of 10 years was molesting my daughters in their sleep and when he decided to molest my 15 year old, she was not sleeping...I turned him in and got his confession at the police station with out him knowing he was being taped. He was arrested, lost his job as a firefighter and went to jail. I was referred by the District Attorney to the California Victim's of Crime Compensation Fund, they provided free mental health counseling with an amazing doctor. My children are all doing well now but it was VERY difficult to walk through this. I felt so much of your story. I have 5 kids and also have found myself, alone, lost friends and relationships, relocating, starting over with a broken mis-trusting heart. But God is good and he heals. I love him for that :) God Bless you Kyria, Ginger
Philip Lindsey
I read this article and responses and noted that no one mentioned the gender issue. This was not CHILD abuse, it was BOY abuse. And that is the sole reason she has any doubt as to what should happen to her husband. If he had molested girls, she would deem it a crime against humanity. She simply believes boys are not human. P.S. Her husband is safe to be around her daughters, he is GAY and hence has no untoward feelings for them.
Lisa DR
I am a pre-operative transexual Christian (yes!!) and I was so harmed as a young child. This article depicts a homosodomist, not a homosexual, but, as usual, instead of taking responsibility for his sin, that 'hates gays' predator used the 'abuse excuse' and sought out the Promise Keepers as refuge for his hypocrisy. As are the overwhelming majority of homosodomistic predators of boys, this man was a (married) heterosexual man!
Amy
I looked this up after reading about the Penn State child abuse scandal. I wish that Coach Sandusky's wife could have read this. Hopefully, if their daughter marries and has kids she'll know to NEVER leave them alone with their grandfather. This man has not changed! That's why 4 stars rather than 5, for not clarifying that in the article.
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