The Silent Epidemic
Her husband's comments were so routine that for 20 years, Brenda Branson didn't realize she was a victim of verbal and emotional abuse.
"You breathe too loud," her husband would tell her. "Your smile is silly. You look terrible. Don't you have anything better to wear?"
It wasn't until Brenda realized his comments weren't true that she approached him. And that's when he picked up a chair and hit her with it. Brenda knew she had to do something, so she went to her pastor. Unfortunately he wasn't equipped to handle domestic abuse; his suggestions about submitting to her husband only made her home life more difficult. "Our church didn't know what to do with us," Brenda says. "They just wanted the problem to go away."
Brenda got the help she needed by forming a support group with another domestic-violence victim. Then in 1995 she cofounded Focus Ministries, one of the few Christian organizations devoted to helping victims of domestic violence while also training churches on how they can assist members who are being abused.
According to Detective Sgt. Don Stewart, a retired police officer who handled domestic violence cases for 25 years, one out of every four Christian couples experiences at least one episode of physical abuse within their marriage. In fact, battering is the single largest cause of injury to women—more than auto accidents, muggings, and rapes combined. The American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists reports that 3 to 4 million women are beaten in their homes every year. According to the U.S. Department of Justice, approximately 2,000 women are murdered every year by an intimate partner.
"Domestic violence has become an epidemic," says Brenda, who is no longer married to her husband. The enormity of the problem, combined with the fact law enforcement officials and church leaders often lack the skills to address it, led Don to author Refuge (New Hope), a book helping victims understand and flee from violence in their homes. "I consider Don to be a missionary who offers hope to hurting women and presents a wakeup call to the Christian community to get involved," says Brenda.
TCW spoke with both Don and Brenda on how battered women can get help as well as how Christians can respond to this crisis.
Explain the different types of domestic abuse.
Don: Emotional and verbal abuse are the cutting remarks a spouse uses to destroy his wife's sense of self-worth. A man may label a woman fat or stupid. He may demean her personal accomplishments or scream at her that the dinner she cooked is terrible. Perhaps he yells at her because she's 15 minutes late coming home from work.
Physical abuse is when a man injures his wife in a nonsexual manner. Then there's sexual abuse—when a spouse forces sex on his partner. Most states have adopted laws protecting married women against spousal rape. But because there's so much shame involved for the woman, she may be hesitant to come forward about this.
Originally published in: Today's Christian Woman, 2004, September/October, Vol. 26, Issue 5, Page 68
Related Topics:
Abuse, abuse, emotional, Abuse, verbal, Marriage
More from Corrie Cutrer:
Kyria.com | Books
Join the Kyria.com Community!
Become a member to have access to the following:
- Full access to hundreds of other articles for thoughtful, influential women
- The monthly Kyria digizine, each issue focusing on a spiritual discipline or theme
- 20 percent discount on all of the downloadable resources in the Kyria Store
downloadable guides
Prayer and Meditation
Cultivating a deeper relationship with God.
Ministering to Working Women
How your women's ministry can better meet the needs of women who work outside the home.Browse More Guides
back to top
Average User Rating:
Displaying 1–5 of 9 comments.
See all comments
Nicole
I am a Christian and am in the middle of this battle right now. My church and every friend I have turned their back on me and are standing with my husband. I have even had one of my pastors testify against me in court and claim that my husband would make a better parent than me. I feel totally alone and am scared for my 5 kids as well as myself. I am terrified that my children too will turn their backs on the church because they do not understand why these people are supporting what their daddy is doing. It is a horrible place to find yourself. Thank you for this article because it helps to know you're not alone.
Linda
Craig, I just checked out your website and it is powerful and brave. The truth is that there are men who are victims of domestic violence, emotional and spiritual abuse and verbal abuse. Very often a male will try to stay in the situation for the sake of his children. My nephew is in such a situation where his wife has multiple personalities which can switch without warning from sweet to vicious. She has beaten her own face and arms to try to make it look like he has harmed her. She has scratched his face while he slept. She has refused counseling. Yet she is capable of charming behavior and can turn on the tears so that others pity her. Thank you for your blog and for making this serious issue known. You are in my prayers.
Craig Bennett
Domestic abuse also happens against men by their wives within a Christian context. I was hospitalised for 52 days after collapsing at work paralysed on the right side...was spat on, kicked, punched, verbally, emotionally, mentally and spiritually abused.Was threatened to be stabbed with a knife on many occasions. Was told God no longer heard my prayers and I was cursed... eventually I had to move out and live in the back of my car for 6 weeks because of it and had no where else to go... the church blackbanned me because I left my family... this is after I was bitten on the wrist to the bone and the police advised me to do so... you can read a poem about my experience here http://mencanbeabusedtoo.wordpress.com/2010/05/18/words-that-cut-deep/
ALC
Finally someone who can describe to a tee what I've been through. I was raised in the church and taught once married always married. No matter what, you trust God and work at making it work. But I too felt God must love me enough to want better for me than this. Now I refuse to let the pain be in vain, I reach out to other hurting women. I had no support in my battle, most in the church think if your being abused its your fault. You must of married outside of God's will or like this is some form of judgement for somthing done wrong. I learned the hard way it's ok to choose life. Living in abuse is a death sentence even in the church. Thank God for setting me FREE!
Brenda Branson
Since this article was published, my contact information has changed. I am now affiliated with "Broken People" at http://brokenpeople.org, continuing the work I started with FOCUS Ministries to provide help for victims of domestic violence, as well as ministry to people who are hurting in many other areas. Email: bren1756@yahoo.com
Rate & Comment on this article *