The Silent Epidemic
Her husband's comments were so routine that for 20 years, Brenda Branson didn't realize she was a victim of verbal and emotional abuse.
"You breathe too loud," her husband would tell her. "Your smile is silly. You look terrible. Don't you have anything better to wear?"
It wasn't until Brenda realized his comments weren't true that she approached him. And that's when he picked up a chair and hit her with it. Brenda knew she had to do something, so she went to her pastor. Unfortunately he wasn't equipped to handle domestic abuse; his suggestions about submitting to her husband only made her home life more difficult. "Our church didn't know what to do with us," Brenda says. "They just wanted the problem to go away."
Brenda got the help she needed by forming a support group with another domestic-violence victim. Then in 1995 she cofounded Focus Ministries, one of the few Christian organizations devoted to helping victims of domestic violence while also training churches on how they can assist members who are being abused.
According to Detective Sgt. Don Stewart, a retired police officer who handled domestic violence cases for 25 years, one out of every four Christian couples experiences at least one episode of physical abuse within their marriage. In fact, battering is the single largest cause of injury to women—more than auto accidents, muggings, and rapes combined. The American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists reports that 3 to 4 million women are beaten in their homes every year. According to the U.S. Department of Justice, approximately 2,000 women are murdered every year by an intimate partner.
"Domestic violence has become an epidemic," says Brenda, who is no longer married to her husband. The enormity of the problem, combined with the fact law enforcement officials and church leaders often lack the skills to address it, led Don to author Refuge (New Hope), a book helping victims understand and flee from violence in their homes. "I consider Don to be a missionary who offers hope to hurting women and presents a wakeup call to the Christian community to get involved," says Brenda.
TCW spoke with both Don and Brenda on how battered women can get help as well as how Christians can respond to this crisis.
Explain the different types of domestic abuse.
Don: Emotional and verbal abuse are the cutting remarks a spouse uses to destroy his wife's sense of self-worth. A man may label a woman fat or stupid. He may demean her personal accomplishments or scream at her that the dinner she cooked is terrible. Perhaps he yells at her because she's 15 minutes late coming home from work.
Physical abuse is when a man injures his wife in a nonsexual manner. Then there's sexual abuse—when a spouse forces sex on his partner. Most states have adopted laws protecting married women against spousal rape. But because there's so much shame involved for the woman, she may be hesitant to come forward about this.
Originally published in: Today's Christian Woman, 2004, September/October, Vol. 26, Issue 5, Page 68
Related Topics:
Abuse, abuse, emotional, Abuse, verbal, Marriage
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Average User Rating:
Raven
Great article. I am a born again Christian, but my family, church, and pastor turned against me when I tried to leave my abusive husband. I finally left and also left the church. A few years later I am in a church, but wary and not looking to become a member any time soon. My children were hurt by watching our abusive relationship for so long and the people who approved of it. It's been ten years and I am just finally beginning to heal.
Cheri
The issue of family togetherness being seen as "God" is a big problem in churches. I am pushing to make the horrible affects of the abuse something that is acknowledged even while trying to recover from those affects (PTSD, etc.). The record of my life shows that spiritual immersion in Christ and love of service do not exempt a women from the damage if she stays. I cannot tolerate the thought of being back together after decades of abuse and find that the concept that is nearly impossible for the church to compassionately receive.
abi
Good article.Jesus came to set us free so why do we still keep women under bondage?it is true that God hates divorce but He also hates abuse of any form.no woman deserves to be beaten no matter what.men and women are joint-heirs in Christ and we are equal before Him.The Church should not shy away from her responsibility.i won't encourage divorce but at the same time i won't counsel any woman to remain in a relationship where she's being turned into a punching bag.good write-up.
Five-Star Article
Good information. How often the message is missed in Malachi 2:16 because what we are taught stops at "God hates divorce." But the Amplified version of the very same Scripture makes it clear by continuing with the powerful thought that God ALSO hates a man abusing his wife. God is more concerned about the safety and well-being of the woman and her children, than He is about any marital statistics. The church should be as well.
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