Singleness and Scripture
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I had the privilege of speaking at a church one Mother's Day. I felt privileged, because any time I'm able to talk about Jesus is a treat. But I also felt uncomfortable, because I'm over 40, single, and childless. Mother's Day is a celebration earmarked for minivan-driving women with a gaggle of children—not women like me. The day's meant for women who woke up to a lovely breakfast prepared by a doting husband—not women who woke up alone at the Fairfield Inn. The holiday's for women whose adorable children made clay handprints engraved with "I love you, Mom" in Sunday school—not women whose only Creative Memories' subjects are pets. To say I felt a little out of place is an understatement.
Although being single in America no longer is atypical (the latest US census reveals more single/divorced/widowed women than married ones), in the Christian subculture, singleness often seems an anomaly. I can't count how many times church people have awkwardly asked me, "Do you have any children?" or "Where's your husband?"
My favorite answer is, "My future husband's lost and won't stop to ask for directions."
The quip usually prompts giggles and diverts attention from my lackluster dating life.
Sometimes I wonder if myths about Christians and singleness contribute to making women without a diamond ring on their left hand feel like misfits.
Let's look at some of the faulty theology surrounding singleness, and get the Bible's actual take on the subject.
Myth #1: Since the Bible says God is our husband (Isaiah 54:5; Jeremiah 3:14), an earthly spouse isn't really necessary.
Well, let's not cancel the eHarmony membership quite yet. The Hebrew word for husband used in these Old Testament passages refers more to God as someone who rules over his people than to someone who does the heavy lifting and leaves wet towels on the bathroom floor.
While Scripture often uses marriage as a metaphor to describe our relationship with God, this spiritual reality doesn't negate most women's desire for a flesh-and-blood husband. It also behooves us to remember God designed marriage at the beginning of human history, when he created Eve for Adam. Marriage isn't a marketing campaign dreamed up by some jewelry-store conglomerate, or a consolation prize meant for people who don't "have the goods" to go it alone.
Myth #2: Since, according to the apostle Paul, singleness is a desirable gift (1 Corinthians 7), spiritually mature single Christian women should fully—and joyfully—embrace it.
I consider singleness a "gift" when I can sleep in while my mom friends drive carpool in their pajamas; when I have the liberty to choose taking a meandering hike over doing laundry; and especially when I can stay preoccupied with a really cool Scripture passage instead of when I get pulled away by the responsibility of fixing dinner for a family. This final benefit is the reason most Bible scholars say Paul enthused about singleness. Simply put, freedom from the earthly needs of a spouse and children typically affords us more uninterrupted time to focus on our Redeemer.
Related Topics:
Affirmation, Identity, Singleness
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Single in Houston --
I married a man of a different faith at age 21. He was 20 years my senior. I wanted a family with him so badly, but the marriage hardly lasted 7 years and that was because I was willing to put up with a lot, to give up hope that I would ever be truly happy with the man I chose to marry. Even though I endured for so long, the marriage ended and I am now in my mid thirties and single. I have had men interested in me, but with so much baggage, I rather continue to be single. I sometimes think that I have a fantasy impossible of becoming a reality when I think I will one day find true love with a man who has his life in order.
Amy
I really enjoyed this article and appreciated the fact that it was written by a single woman over the age of 25. I will be 30 in 2 months and I can't tell you how many times I've heard the comment about "just be content in the Lord" and "God will give you the desires of your heart". It's so refreshing to hear someone else say, "I AM content, but I'm also HUMAN!!". Also, thank you for reiterating the scripture application of God giving us the desires of our heart. I am in a season of learning to trust that if God had me as a single woman yesterday, and is taking care of me as a single woman today, He will certainly hold me up as a single woman tomorrow - He can/will be Glorified and it will be good. Not many can reconcile that idea and trusting God regardless of a spouse. I read this today and thought, yes! someone else understands that God's sovereignty trumps our desire for a spouse, especially when He is most glorified otherwise. This is the case today and probably tomorrow as well
Elaine
I agree with the point about "cut and paste" theology, but unfortunately she does it with 1 Cor 7:26. While Paul was writing during a time of crisis, to limit the whole of 1 Cor 7 to just a time of crisis is a poor theological tool: it is the same line of argument as those who say many other verses in the Bible are limited to their specific historical contexts, and not applicable today. Paul's letters always address a specific problem of his day, which have wider implications today. The same pattern applies to 1 Cor 7. While in v26 he talks about time of crisis, he later generalizes his argument (which is ignored by many, like the author). The generalization is in v32-35. The married today are more concerned about the affairs of this world and pleasing their spouses (a problem faced not just by the married during Paul's time of crisis), and one result is divided devotion to God. Marriage is a God-given institution, but as Jesus teaches, only for this world, not the next(Mt22,Mk12,Lk17)
Karen
Jennifer: I realize that many of the movies on Lifetime are based in reality. That was not my point. My point was that they always portray a man who is not exactly great husband material, thus making it easier for me get through another day alone, knowing that what's left to choose from may not be what's best. That's all I was saying.
Jennifer
Interesting article. I'm also an over-40 single, and generally I like it. I do think it's a gift, but like all gifts it has responsibilities with it. Never wanted children, but I think I'd like to be married. I'm not about to give up what I've accomplished, through struggle and hard work, to just have marriage status. If that makes me picky, so be it. Karen: I agree that Lifetime does dramatize terrible stories, but most of them are real cases. And the woman prevails. I've seen similar stories to these in the lives of some women I've known, where the woman doesn't always prevail.
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